Player Profiles

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Name: Martin Knowles
Nickname: Tycoon
Position: Right Arm Medium, Talented but chicken No 11

Name: Gary Thompson
Nickname: Thommo, GT, Taz
Position: Right Hand Bat

Taz, or Tazmanian Devil, is unique in our team, thank God. Suffice to say, not many teams could put up with the gibberish and verbal nonsense that emanates from this particular Chartered Accountant. As a prolific batsman and facer of the first ball, GT is used to a fair amount of sledging but all that is to no avail as Thommo quietly gets on with his batting, safe in the knowledge that their sledging may be hurtful but there's no way any of them "earn as much money as me". It is often said that there is a thin line between genius and madness. I reckon there's an ever thinner line between Thommo retaining his freedom or being locked up under a restraining order before Christmas. Still Thommo, with his nailed-on 50 runs per game and the longest run up in cricket (save that bloke from Adel) makes it worthwhile watching cricket at Menston, you know the village where High Royds used to be.
Most likely to say: Ham Jam Spam (yes, honestly)
Most likely to do: Anything that enters his cranial vacuum

We are lucky to have Tycoon this season. And that is not because, according to his previous club, he was “making the worst decision of his career (sic)” by staying at Menston. No, we are lucky because, following his mate who was one of the divers in the John Smith "Top Bombing" advert, Knowlsey has taken up modelling himself and has recently featured in the website of a seedy Sunderland night club but, more impressively, as the star of the new Ford Transit Connect TV advert. So he might jack in his part-time job as Head of Underperforming Sports at the otherwise impressive LGS and get on to the Male Modelling thing he seems so keen to take up (get him drunk, he'll do the routine).
Most likely to say: Guiseley Cricket Club? Oh I think I've got the wrong number.
Most likely to do: That Body Building Routine when he's had more than a half…"you are not ready…."

Name: Richard Taylor
Nickname: Tez, Tezzer, Tenfer
Position: Right Hand Bat, Right Arm Opening Bowler

Name: Michael Peel
Nickname: Peely or Malcolm
Position: Squad Rotational System Operative

Richard is a legend amongst the Menstonians. He has done a couple of things that our verbose President, Mr David Thackeray has never done. Richard has captained Menston to promotion into Division A (I understand that Thack spent most of his career in Division B) and Tez also once claimed all 10 wickets in a game. However, Tez's analysis of 19.4-0-10-105 should be compared to the bowling of Ben Smith at the other end. Ben's return of 20-12-0-12 possibly did not gain the same recognition (Errors and Omissions excepted). Now Menston's number one all-rounder, he is proficient at Contracted In and Contracted Out Pension Money Purchase Schemes and is often seen advising the millionaires of Menston (Gary Thompson and JER Brewster-Scott) in tax-efficient off shore investment schemes, sometimes involving the Racing Post.
Most likely to say: God knows what number I'll be batting today.
Most likely to do: Chunter at the umpire, Red Ink.

The Main Man of the Hawks dons the MCC dark blue as opposed to the sky blue Hawks on a few privileged Saturdays for Menston. A gifted ability to make any catch look difficult, Peely invariably follows this through by dropping anything in sight (and most often, out of sight). That said, Peely is fearless in front of the oncoming cricket ball and is often seen bravely using his shins to stop a pull from Jason's bowling on the edge of the square. Peely has yet to be seen crying, unlike Jason (with laughter). Peely's forward defensive is unique. Unique in the sense that its his only properly taught shot, (taught by Ted Lester. So there's irony). Peely's bowling was also taught to him by Ted. Peely has yet to bowl for Menston in 10 seasons.
Most likely to say: Thank you very much Mrs (fill in blank). Lovely teas, teas of the season in fact.
Most likely to do: Eat everyone's teas before the tea interval has been called.

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