Player Profiles

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John Bradley - RHB, RM
Opening bat in the style of Colin Milburn (physique), Marcus Trescothick (shot selection) and Buster Keaton (shot execution). Deals in boundaries for obvious reasons. Finest judge of a single in the club, when he’s the striker. Regular qualifier for league batting averages and most consistent performer over the last 7 or 8 seasons. Overly prone to providing rest of the team with amusing on-field incidents. Only cricketer who actually wants to go from third man to third man.

Ian Myers - RM, RHB
Small, aggressive, mouthy character who has plenty to say about everything. As the team's chief p**s taker no one is exempt from his barbed tongue, including himself. Particularly hard on younger players who continually disappoint him. Bowls dibbly dobblies and the world's most obvious slower ball amongst many other non-wicket taking deliveries. Bores batsmen out .. in more ways than one. Purports to be able to bat and will, given the opportunity (i.e. he's awake), bang on about his 15 year old league batting record, which incidentally he shares with someone else.

Carl Hutton - Captain - RHB, OB
South Yorkshireman and Sheffield Wednesday fan who, despite that, is a well liked team member and the current captain. Bowls amusing off-breaks with the only concave 'loop' in cricket history. Moderate success with the bat despite obvious talent. Needs to start converting those 5's into big 10's.

Richard Feltbower - RHB, RFM
One of two ‘genuine’ all rounders in the team (who co-incidentally are the team’s only academics) who have bowling averages higher than their batting average. ‘Felters’ is a ‘hit the deck’ bowler with decent pace (for this level) and the ability to move it around off the seam. Keeper’s nightmare.

Mike Pratt - RHB, RM
The team’s other ‘genuine’ all rounder. Particularly strong against the short ball, which leaves the rest of the team to assume that he’s faced his own bowling a lot. He is the team’s elder statesman (what about Maurice? - Ed.). The only man in club history to captain the second XI in two relegation seasons, he does, however, remain a great reader of the game - mainly in the Daily Telegraph.

Paul Smith - RHB
Obdurate batsman whose physique means that he is always ‘side on’ regardless of which part of him is actually facing the bowler. Prone to being out LBW or bowled leg stump which is good news for an unemployed coach somewhere. Very safe pair of hands which, along with Michael Heaton, proves the ‘opposite and equal reaction’ theory.

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