Player Profiles

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Name: Jason Scott
Nickname: Jase, Scotty
Position: Left Arm Fast Spin, Number 11 Batsman

Name: Richard Burton
Nickname: Burts, Burty, Shed
Position: Ageing All Rounder, becoming specialist batsman

This will probably be Jason's last full season as a combination of fatherhood, damaged shoulder and complete hatred of the sport and Menston Cricket Club will finally come together to prevent the gangly left armer from playing in many matches next season. He has assured the writer that he might limit his appearances to about 12 for next season which is nine more that he was playing when at his peak - when he graduated from Malsis prep school at the age of 15. Despite being our nailed-on Number 11, Jason features in the League's 4th wicket highest partnership of about 250 in which he made a belligerent 98, being caught on the long on boundary with about 10 overs to go. (Not the sharpest tool in the box, some might say). Despite Jason's frequent attempts to remind us of this batting marathon, the lads are more likely to remind him of his ability to shoulder arms on the last ball of the innings to be bowled middle stump at Adel. As the matter is sub judice, I am unable to comment on Scotty's deliberate burning of last season's overseas player, Matt "Nikki Lauda" Heffernan. I am therefore unable to confirm that Jase deliberately covered the Aussie import in Sambuca from head to foot and then set fire to him. I have been advised not to add that he then continued to throw the said flammable liquid on the Antipodean whilst some of us tried to put him out. Apparently his legal defence will be that he "is not the sharpest tool in the box".
Most likely to say: Don't really want to play next week.
Most likely to do: Not play next week.

Burty is very much of an all rounder, with his strengths being mainly shown on the football pitches and tennis courts of the Ilkley area, rarely at Menston, more the pity. A man desperate to maintain the legendary club spirit of Menston, Burty will defy all odds to ensure he can make the impromptu club meetings or stay out for that extra pint. In the old days Shed was referred to as "God" because of his ability to perform miracles with both bat and ball; a cavalier batsman who could destroy many an attack and a skilful medium-pace bowler who hated giving away any runs during his spell. Many a time has Burty reminded the opposing batsmen that there were no easy runs to be had by announcing on his arrival at the bar that "there wasn't much spare out there". Or at least that's what we think he means. Who actually knows what goes on in Shed's head. Burty is the proud owner of the club record for late arrival at a game, his Ł15 fine being testament to his being 15 overs late for the first innings (which were spent in the field). It might well have been more had Coach Thirkill not awoken Burty from deep sleep at 2.00.
Most likely to say: Looks like it's going to be a late finish. I will have to ring Linda as soon as the game finishes, else I'll be in bother.
Most likely to do: Organise a game of tennis with his wife rather than play in a crucial cricket match

Name: Grant Bell
Nickname: Klokkies
Position: Right Hand Bat, Right Arm Opening Bowler

First and foremost, Klokkies has had the good sense to shave the goatee off and now looks strangely normal. Grant is visiting our shores from South Africa and the picture above was taken on the first day of sunshine in the UK. A keen medical practitioner, Grant is more at ease undergoing medical experiments for cash than creating any form of perspiration between the hours of 9-5, Monday to Friday. It would be fair to say that Grant likes his sleep, so it would appear strangely ironic that he has been billeted with the only man in the club who survives on about 2 hours kip a night and a desire for copious amounts of alcohol. This has absolutely nothing to do with either of the comments or actions listed below.
Most likely to say: I am not feeling very well today. I will be in tomorrow.
Most likely to do: Disappear from any drinking establishment at 11.30 precisely.

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